Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Allow Myself to Recommend... Myself

It is out of a sense of deep frustration that I turn to blogging this evening. I'm in the process of trying to write a draft recommendation letter, for myself. I have no issue with heaping praise on others. I even tend to be effusive. When writing about myself however I feel like gagging and revert to using the passive voice _all the time_.

But enough about me, seriously. Perhaps I should just conclude this with Roommate Rortina's suggestion: "Finally, she is an ideal candidate for this position because she has an ass that just won't quit."


Thursday, August 18, 2005

Anvils are Awesome

For a moment I entertained the notion of composing this entry like an alphabet book. "Anvils are Awesome... Burgers are not Bogus... etc." Instead, I will allow this short statement to suffice for the issue presented, "Who knew midwestern hardware stores were so hip?"

Anyway, while back in Minneapolis, I went to an amazing event with my dear friend EPS, her husband TS, and her dad, Mike. Garner Hardware Store, an average hardware store that sells the usual mix of sandpaper, tools, paint, caulk, what-have-you, annually drops a whole lot of stuff on one junker car. The climax of this event is the "Anvil Drop." [See this page for an account of a past event.]

The dropping of stuff is preceded by a performance by Savage Aural Hotbed. SAH is a band out of the Minne-apple that plays techno-esque noise on power tools, barrels, and sometimes a bass. SAH also has some extremely cool fans. Almost 100 people came out - in the rain - at 2:00pm on a workday to hear these dudes, quite literally, wail on their axes. I enjoyed watching their fans bob, along with their umbrellas, in time to the music almost as much as I enjoyed watching the anvil actually drop. On another note, a surprising number of SAH fanatics have rat tails or other haircuts that start short but end long. Note, these haircuts are mystifingly distinct from the mullet yet more disturbing. Query, why is this so?

After a sweet set from Savage, a few young, male employees who apparently work at Garner climbed up to the top of the three or four story building that houses Garner Hardware. They brought along a variety of melons, water balloons, eggplants, and the long expected anvil. [If this blog had a soundtrack cue the "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus..." to evoke the joy of Christmas and the holiday sesason.] The excitement in the crowd was palpable as the boys prepared to rain melons down on the car sitting next to the building.

Those of us in the crowds timidly inched away from the car. The melons hit with fury and impunity. The roof of the car caved in. Melon pulp scattered over the crowd. Watermelon landed in my hair and on my shirt. Words cannot describe the exhiliration that came when watching such destruction. Finally, they raised the anvil. This single moment might be enough to convince me to spend next summer interning at Garner Hardware. The anvil TOTALLY crashed through the roof of the car and, get this, all the way down through the floor. Amazing.

To top off the wonder of the anvil droppage, the folks at Garner then proceeded to cut through an entire minivan with a saw. That was also awesome, although loud and lacking in melons. My compatriots scrounged up some free burgers and hot dogs and my friend's dad bought me a commemorative Anvil Drop t-shirt. See it sported proudly by me or jdm. Now... all I need is a rat tail.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

games with the fam

Today I bought a dominoes set. It did not come in a cool carrying case like the one I saw at my dear friend's wedding in PA. Apparently, those are hard to come by in Minnesota. Games by James pulled through though and I got a nifty set of 28 dominoes which are, somewhat embarrassingly, colored. They also come in a patriotic tin. I could have done without the flags and the color.

I am, however, way excited to teach my family how to play dominoes. Readers may wonder, "Dirteens, why must you instruct your grown-up kin on how to set up dominoes in a row so you can knock them all down with one flick of a finger?" Dear reader, it is not so simple. The Belizean version of dominoes to which I am now partial is much more math-y.

Now, here I am, twiddling my thumbs, exalting the greatness of dominoes, and waiting for my mother to return home. She is out, attempting to convince my grandmother that she has in fact lived in her nursing home for well over five years now. That has been quite a matter for debate lately.

The truth of that matter is perhaps no less elusive than the meaning of "ensky." My family is way into "Balderdash." It is a cutthroat and often hilarious game with my relatives. My sister informs me that I missed a particularly rousing game last weekend but I thought our game last night was swell. We didn't finish because we decided to watch "NUMB3RS."* "Ensky," incidentally, was my second-favorite word of the evening. It is, oddly enough, a verb. According to Balderdash, it means something like, "to eugugolize a la Derek Zoolander." Google claims that it means "to exalt to the skies; lift to the skies or to heaven with praise." I posited that it meant, "a male matchmaker, cf. yente, fem." I got 3 votes.

By far, the word "mullock" beat out "ensky." It means, "a pile of trash." My brother came up with the best definition _ever_. He said it meant, "a mullet with dreadlocks as the flow, or a 'dreaded mullet.'"

Please, can I see a real live mullock? Maybe at the Minnesota State Fair... if only I were sticking around for that. Mmm. Cheese curds.

* NUMB3RS is the best new TV show out there. I was thrilled to hear that my family loves the show. I watched only the pilot last spring with jdm and leebay. It is something like "Square One" for grownups. Subtract the music video sequences - make the whole thing "Mathnet." Oh man, I hope the first season comes out on DVD.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Girl Crashes: Frightens Sister

At around 11:00am Thursday morning, Dirtina Dirteens, of "For God and Cheese," took an unfortunate spill on her parents' (shared) bicycle. Ms. Dirteens spent the morning biking to Minnehaha Falls with her sister, an avid cyclist. The trip to the falls was pleasant, somewhat physically exerting, and uneventful. As the siblings approached the Tangletown area (Luverne Avenue), things took a turn, quite literally, for the worse. Approaching an intersection, Ms. Dirteens clutched her brakes. Unfortunately, she managed to grasp only the front wheel brake. Unbeknownst to Ms. Dirteens, the bike had an unusually responsive front wheel braking system. Quite suddenly, she flew over the handlebars, and fell, as though in slow-motion on to the asphalt.

The fall happened in a precise sequence: first her left thigh hit the ground, then her hands, lastly, her chin. Dirtina's sister, Lizardo, was later quoted as saying, "It sort of looked like she was doing 'The Worm.' After her chin hit the ground her legs came up all wave, or worm-like. It was sort of sweet."

Fortunately for the Dirteens Sisters, Lizardo is trained in CPR. Even more fortunately, CPR was not necessary, especially since Lizardo's training is long-past expired. Just a few minutes after the spill, the sisters headed for home. Dirtina's nose ran more than usual but other than that, the trip home was safe, if a little slow and cautious.

Upon returning chez Dirteens, Dirtina began cleaning her wounds and icing her bruised chin. Lizardo performed a concussion check and all was well - Dirtina's pupils dilated normally. When Mrs. Dirteens came upstairs she heard some chatter about a fall and had no doubt that it was, indeed, her eldest who had fallen. Dirtina is well-known as the most-dramatic klutz in the family and is recognized as injury-prone in Minnesota and beyond. In fact, to be certain, Lizardo disclaims feeling frightened at the site of the accident. She says, " I was a bit startled though by no means surprised. I thought we might have another broken nose on our hands. But I realized long ago that she's pretty resilient."

Here's to resilience... and John Denver's mullet. In the immortal words of Lizardo, "I'll say his mullet looks pretty resilient, even timeless."

great expectations

It's been quite some time since I've had anything to say on this piece of Internet terrain. To be more precise, it's not that I've had nothing to say, but that I've had no web access or I've fallen asleep before I've started typing. It is truly a thrilling life that I lead. In any event, I also worked up some anxiety about posting. I thought I should write something really compelling to hook readers back in to "For God and Cheese." This nervous feeling is akin to the upset and "butterflies in my stomach" feeling that I get when I think about how I should probably learn how to drive.

Despite all these thoughts, I find myself writing about pretty much nothing on my living room floor in my parents home in Minneapolis. I'm having a swell time here but there is little to report, in this entry at least.

I'll close with my thoughts in the last few minutes...

- Gee, this ice cream tastes kind of freezer-burnt. Not even the yummy blueberries are helping it at all. Oh well - just keep eating, just keep eating.
- Rosie Perez is ridiculously annoying. Holy buckets - SO annoying.
- That guy, "Scarecrow/Dr. Crane" in Batman Begins, really is scary looking. His eyes are extremely creepy.
- It's great that Minnesota has no sales tax on clothing. It's unfortunate, however, that Governor Pawlenty's commitment to imposing no new taxes seems to be pricing Minnesotans out of public higher education.
- Too bad so many people need housing in Berkeley. I'm not sure I really want to be roommates with many of them. I hope that I can say no to a good dozen or so people nicely...
- Is a 7 CD John Denver set really a good hook for folks who might become members of Twin Cities Public Television - i.e., if they purchase a membership they get that as their appreciation gift?