Anvils are Awesome

For a moment I entertained the notion of composing this entry like an alphabet book. "Anvils are Awesome... Burgers are not Bogus... etc." Instead, I will allow this short statement to suffice for the issue presented, "Who knew midwestern hardware stores were so hip?"

Anyway, while back in Minneapolis, I went to an amazing event with my dear friend EPS, her husband TS, and her dad, Mike. Garner Hardware Store, an average hardware store that sells the usual mix of sandpaper, tools, paint, caulk, what-have-you, annually drops a whole lot of stuff on one junker car. The climax of this event is the "Anvil Drop." [See this page for an account of a past event.]

The dropping of stuff is preceded by a performance by Savage Aural Hotbed. SAH is a band out of the Minne-apple that plays techno-esque noise on power tools, barrels, and sometimes a bass. SAH also has some extremely cool fans. Almost 100 people came out - in the rain - at 2:00pm on a workday to hear these dudes, quite literally, wail on their axes. I enjoyed watching their fans bob, along with their umbrellas, in time to the music almost as much as I enjoyed watching the anvil actually drop. On another note, a surprising number of SAH fanatics have rat tails or other haircuts that start short but end long. Note, these haircuts are mystifingly distinct from the mullet yet more disturbing. Query, why is this so?

After a sweet set from Savage, a few young, male employees who apparently work at Garner climbed up to the top of the three or four story building that houses Garner Hardware. They brought along a variety of melons, water balloons, eggplants, and the long expected anvil. [If this blog had a soundtrack cue the "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus..." to evoke the joy of Christmas and the holiday sesason.] The excitement in the crowd was palpable as the boys prepared to rain melons down on the car sitting next to the building.

Those of us in the crowds timidly inched away from the car. The melons hit with fury and impunity. The roof of the car caved in. Melon pulp scattered over the crowd. Watermelon landed in my hair and on my shirt. Words cannot describe the exhiliration that came when watching such destruction. Finally, they raised the anvil. This single moment might be enough to convince me to spend next summer interning at Garner Hardware. The anvil TOTALLY crashed through the roof of the car and, get this, all the way down through the floor. Amazing.

To top off the wonder of the anvil droppage, the folks at Garner then proceeded to cut through an entire minivan with a saw. That was also awesome, although loud and lacking in melons. My compatriots scrounged up some free burgers and hot dogs and my friend's dad bought me a commemorative Anvil Drop t-shirt. See it sported proudly by me or jdm. Now... all I need is a rat tail.