Monday, September 16, 2013

Home Sweet (Chaotic, Messy) Home

Hi Team,

I had intended to post a slightly different version of this last night, but something went awry. Anyway, Jeff is home. Yippee! He was released from the hospital on Sunday afternoon. Nothing ever showed up in the cultures of his blood etc. to suggest that anything but a regular virus caused his initial fever. His mouth is starting to feel less awful, his blood counts are back to normal, and he looks a lot better. 

Today, home at last, Jeff took himself to the clinic, held down the fort (including grocery shopping and addressing a malfunctioning/aged out carbon monoxide detector), and picked up the girls from school and nanny share because... I made it back to work today. In an unprecedented and unexpected move, both girls decided it would be a perfect day to sleep until past 7 AM, so the morning was a little hectic and rushed. I knew that wrangling two children in the morning to two separate childcare locations would be challenging, but I think it will take even more forethought than I anticipated. We will figure it out with practice. Or maybe we won't. But, I'm confident we'll manage.

For me, coming back to work felt like a combination of the first day of school and Groundhog's Day. On the "first day" front, it was really nice to see my coworkers again. They even took me out to lunch and my wonderful secretary sent me flowers for my office. I also dressed up a bit for the first time in probably 8 months and wore shoes, not sneakers, and not sandals, which was an odd sensation after such a long time off from anything remotely business-y, or business casual. On a potentially related note, my hip is hurting again for the first time in a few days. Perhaps I will be back to flats just as soon as I graduated to heels?

As for Groundhog's Day, although my life has changed quite a bit - my husband had cancer, beat it, is still undergoing treatment for it, I had a new baby who is now nearly seven months, Jeff got a job, Stella switched preschool campuses etc. - virtually everything at the office is just as I left it. Physically, my desk looks the same - though cleaner than usual because my secretary also organized my mail and law book updates. In terms of work, all the same cases are still chugging along. I suppose I'll be plugged in and up and running full steam ahead pretty soon. I feel a little mentally rusty, but I think that will wane quickly as well.

I guess I am realizing that returning to work creates the illusion of a return to normal, but things in my personal life are just not quite there yet. Thus far, this year has certainly not turned out like I expected it to, but I am learning to appreciate each day for what it is, and acclimate to whatever the new normal will be. 



Erika said...

I'm glad your transition to work went least the first day! Maybe this new normal just needs a "fake it til you make it" mentality?? :) Sending you lots of love.

dirteens said...

Yes. YES! "Fake it til I make it" will be my new mantra. I love you.

Faketina :)