You may have inferred from my last post that we are having some sleep issues around these parts. You, dear reader would not be wrong.* The issues all stem from Stella's persistent refusal to go to sleep or stay asleep at least a couple of times per week. Everyone else's sleep problems arise as a result of her struggles and multiple night wakings.
Thus, even though Jeff is the one who is super tired from countless meds and chemo, when I am honest with myself, I am also exhausted. Bone tired. Not Neulasta bone pain tired (thankfully), just wiped out. It hasn't even been two months since Jeff's diagnosis, but it seems like this has been our reality for much longer.
With my nerves shot from exhaustion, it's just a perfect storm: Running on a sleep deficit, Stella acts crazy. I am tired as a result of her insanity, and less patient with her when, of course, she most needs patience and kindness.**
Given my mood and these circumstances, I am especially glad my mom is back and hanging with us. And I am grateful for my maternity leave. There is never a "good time" for cancer - let me be clear, not to mention obvious - but this would be a whole lot worse if I were working full time, if we had already moved to Kentucky and knew virtually no one, if I were still pregnant and on bed rest, etc etc.
So, to all of you who are pitching in to help us in countless ways, thank you. We would be struggling much more without you.
*After my last post, some kind readers sent me ways to defeat fruit flies. I so appreciate the advice - though I hope I will never have to use it. Although my previous post implied otherwise, we are not battling that particular scourge at the moment. I just hate fruit flies with a burning, furious passion, so I felt they belonged on the list. Down with fruit flies! Down with sleeplessness! DOWN WITH LYMPHOMA!!!
**I'll take this opportunity to go on a tangent and share a tiny bit of wisdom I have gleaned from parenting regarding sleep. Sleep is the single thing that parents talk about most. Poop probably comes next for the parents of infants set. Here's the deal: there are some children, allegedly, who "sleep through the night." Some babies even. But these children are close to mythological creatures. You hardly ever find them in the wild. If I could teach new or prospective parents one thing it would be to sleep when you can and remember not to get cocky. As soon as you begin to think that the sleep habits of your younguns are improving, something or another will take a turn for the worse. At best, it's a "two steps forward and one step back" kind of thing. So, rest easy in your restlessness, knowing that you are not alone. That is all.
PS - I was going to post a picture to make this entry more entertaining. But the only image I could think to post was a picture of a fruit fly and that was just TOO harrowing. Wait, I've got it. Here's one of Jeff and Lydia from the last round of chemo. That's better.