Judging from Jeff's appearance on Skype and FaceTime - and from reports from David - he is doing quite well. He's still grading papers, and all of his metabolic measures and reactions to the initial chemo drugs have been good. Let's hope that continues! I know he has enjoyed seeing friends too, so thanks to those who have visited. And thanks again to the people who are feeding us, and sending us cards and random cool presents. An anonymous benefactor sent Stella some cool ocean animal toys today and they are a big hit.
Now on to my therapeutic musing...
I have a lot to be thankful for, today, and every day, but today, despite a ton of support, I felt quite lonely and overwhelmed. First, a [brief] gratitude list to keep myself in check: my mom is here and met Lydia for the first time yesterday. Neha, Nirav and Saj visited today. Stella had an awesome morning playing with her friends (during which I got to talk with lovely parents of her friends). Stella learned that her feet touch the pedals on the big kid trikes at school. Very exciting.
But onto the moaning. I am still sick. I miss Jeff a lot.
And we aren't a co-dependent couple. We've spent long periods of time apart and long distance. However, distance due to school or research felt quite different from this pseudo-quarantine. I really miss Jeff at home, and his presence in the most mundane ways. For instance, given his current stint in the hospital, I now have the opportunity to compare methods, and can say with certainty that Jeff's method of loading the dishwasher is in fact most effective at cleaning the dishes. I need him around for these things!
(Note to Jeff: this is a concession. You win the great dishwasher loading debate.)
Missing him so much - confession - appears to have made me a little bitter. I saw a young-ish (?) couple today when the girls and the grandmas and I were out to ice cream. This couple was poring over a wedding magazine. They were uber-skinny jean hipsters, so I was amused to observe them spending time fawning over various succulent arrangements. Seemed so SF. But mostly I felt resentment towards what I assumed to be their carefree, starry-eyed innocence. Since times are a little tough right now for us, frankly, witnessing that couple's lovey-dovey vignette made me jealous.
All that said, I will repeat that I have a lot to be thankful for. And I know we are growing and learning from this experience. So I'll try to temper the bitterness by remembering that and fighting the good fight.
In closing, here are a few of my favorite images from Strong Families for Mother's Day. You can send them as e-cards here: http://mamasday.org/. Have a good one mamas!