First, an update on Jeff. He and Stella are reunited and off to color in the solarium. Both of them are really happy, which in turn is making me very happy.
Jeff continues to feel "okay." The position of his PICC line was irritating him yesterday, and caused his IV lines to keep beeping, but now he has an Ace bandage keeping it in place. He described the Ace bandage as "his new best friend" a couple minutes ago, so that's a small victory. And, the anti-nausea meds are working for the time being. He is tired though: Physically and of being in the hospital. Please keep praying that the chemo is working and pray for Jeff's spirits. Needless to say, It is no fun to be so cooped up in a hospital of all places.
Secondly, blergh. I put on a relatively brave face here, but I don't feel that way a lot of time. This forum is too public for me to be completely forthright, but here comes a little taste of something raw.
A few weeks ago, I remember that out of the blue one morning I had that old Paula Abdul song, "Promise of a New Day," stuck in my head as I walked home from dropping Stella off at school. (This is: (1) embarrassing, and (2) a telltale sign that I may have been listening to KOIT - the Bay Area's ridonk lite rock station - just a *touch* too much...).
Cheesy as the song is, I have always liked the concept. Today may suck major suckage, but tomorrow will come. "Morning has broken,"or will soon break, so to speak.
Well, it's been almost three weeks since our lives turned upside down. Although it is pointless and probably counterproductive, I find myself wishing this was all a dream.
And although I am truly hopeful, it feels trite a lot of the time to look forward to a new day. All I want is to go back to the old normal. I am trying to cherish moments (oh jeez, now a not-so-veiled Madonna reference to date me again), and embrace uncertainty, but I just want to rewind and re-record our lives so we can skip over this nasty episode entirely.
But, I can't.
Thus, to end on less of a downer, I will say again that I AM learning from this and I AM growing. And despite all the suckage, I am grateful for that. I am also falling more in love with Jeff and with my family and friends every day.
Thank you all for your amazing support. I can't possibly give shout outs to everyone who is helping us here, but I am deeply thankful.